Shoes

Yesterday Jeremy called me from work.

"have you heard of this kid shoe brand - something and lily?"

"Jack and Lily? Sure! They are kind of high end kid shoes."

"Well we just got them in here at Costco. They are really cute." Pause. Did my husband just say something was "really cute"?

"Okay. But you know, we have a bizillion shoes here that Zac and Bianca gave us for the baby. I don't think we need anymore shoes."

"Well they are really cute. There is this pink and brown pair I like." Did he just say "really cute" again?

"Uh, okay. How much are they?"

"They are $15. I think I'm going to get them. Well I gotta go. See you when I get home." Click.

Okay, I know I've been complaining about spending money lately. I know we're on a tight budget right now and everything keeps breaking down and certainly we don't need another pair of shoes for a baby that already has about 100 pairs. But heck, when a father calls from work and wants to buy his daughter a pair of pink and brown "really cute" shoes - well who am I to argue with that?

Seriously?!

I think I came across this gem on amazon.com. Would you seriously put your newborn baby in this outfit? I mean, I can understand some cute funny saying, but this is not one I would like to project from my child.

Eating the bread of idleness

One of my top four complaints in life is that my house is always messy. Not dirty, mind you. But messy - as in, there is always something laying around on the floor (something like a toy, article of clothing, books, etc). There is almost always a dish in the sink. (or two, three, four, five+ dishes in the sink). There are several "hot zones" throughout the house (areas of clutter). It's just not a pristine, perfect space.

And it has always bothered me.

Here's the thing: I don't really like to clean up. I like things to be clean - as in sanitary, but I don't like to spend my time picking up. I don't like dirty bathrooms, scummy toilets, smelly garbage piled up - those things I'll make sure get resolved. But spending lots of precious time cleaning up children's junk piles? I'd rather read my book or go out in my yard. And it shows, because my house is almost always under a clutter attack. So I guess as much as I say I don't like a messy house, it must not bother me enough to spend a lot of time and energy cleaning up and/or yelling and nagging at my housemates to clean up constantly.

The other day I read about "managed chaos" on one of the blogs I frequent. As in, there is a lot of chaos, but everything is under the person's control. I think I read about it on a blog referring to a person's yard. So my house's official title is "managed chaos". And until I get myself a wife to help ME clean up the mess, I think the messy house will be here to stay for a few more years.

A few weeks ago, in my women's Bible study, we talked about a women's set of values. One of the those values, according to the study's author, is that the women's home be clean and full of order. She kept repeating, "We must not eat the bread of idleness when it comes to our homes!" Oh how that study irked me. Lord knows I'm not eating the bread of idleness, I'm just choosing to spend my time to pursue other things - not cleaning up crap around the house. I tried, just for argument's sake to not "eat the bread of idleness" and do what the women said and I tried to keep the house pristine. I now have a terrible chest and head cold and an EAR INFECTION! It's just too much work added on top of what I already accomplish on a daily basis.

So I guess I'm an official eater of the bread of idleness because my house is pretty messy today and it's going to be 70 degrees and I'm going to plant some more plants in my yard and take a nap this afternoon to stave off my cold. And those piles are probably still going to be there.

Something I feel compelled to talk about

I'll try my best to make this short and sweet, but it is something I want to comment on. And it is this.

It is okay to take anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressant medication if you need to. If you have followed this blog for at least a year, you know I suffered from a bit of postpartum depression following my third child. I went on meds when he was 6 weeks old and my life turned around for the better. I was doing so well, in fact, that I went off the meds six months later. A month after that the panic attacks began on a daily basis and I suffered through daily body numbness, shortness of breath, dizziness, severe head and muscular aches, etc. I truly thought I was dying. I went to every specialist in the book thinking that something as trivial as depression and anxiety could not trigger such intense physical symptoms. But when every test came back clear and I was still suffering with symptoms, I knew it was time to tackle the demon hiding in the corner. I have an anxiety disorder. It's real and it almost took over my life for a while. I went to my family dr. who recommended I begin taking Lexapro and start seeing a counselor. I did both of those things. My counselor and I did intense therapy for 8 weeks. I was taught numerous cognitive/behavioral techniques to deal with daily stresses. It changed my life. The physical symptoms disappeared after a few weeks. Every since then, my life is 100% manageable and I don't think I am dying.

This is an old story to you if you know me well or have read this on the blog - but I wanted to repeat a little background in case you are new to me.

Anyway, about a week ago, I got a phone call from my dr's office. They said I needed to come in for a consult. It's time to cut the meds - they said - because I am in my third trimester of pregnancy. Too many risks, they said. I began to panic. (maybe a reason why I had such a tough week last week - I had a lot on my mind).

Today I visited my midwife. I voiced my concerns over the medication. I want to do what is best for me and the baby. But I don't want to revisit the hell I experienced a year ago. My NURSE midwife - who deals exclusively with women's health issues and cares for pregnant women daily - did not even bat an eye at my medication. She listened to all the work I do to help my panic disorder - she listened to what type of medication I am on - and she said, "We take mother's anxiety and depression VERY SERIOUSLY. You should stay on the meds and continue to do what you are doing."

So if by chance you have the same worry and concern that I do -please listen to my story. I'm not here to dispense medical or legal advice; I'm hardly qualified to do so - I'm just here to tell you what I discovered and chose to do. And I am okay about it all.

Garden started! and tidbits of gardening wisdom (if you want them)

Did I mention that the boys are on spring break and they are home for the next 12 days? (not that anyone is counting around here). Oh boy!

Garden has officially been started.

First up, we tackled all of the cool season plants and made sure they were in the ground. (Read this article for an explanation of cool season vegetables). We planted sugar snap and shelling peas this week. For the more advanced gardener, I'll tell you this tip. So last year, we planted sugar snap (I can't remember the variety) and snow peas. Without meaning to, I bought a bush plant pea - one that doesn't vine quite as large. The snow pea was a typical pea plant. The sugar snap (bush type) grew on the supports we set up, but only grew about three or four foot tall. It was wonderful! All of the children were able to pick the peas from the plant and we didn't have to reach too high to get the legumes. The snow peas, however, overtook the five foot structure and we ended up having to extend the trellis another four feet which made that planting bed a whopping eight feet tall!! It was a bit out of control.

Moral of the story: if you don't want huge trailing pea plants, look for a bush type pea plant. And don't bother to buy pea plant starts from your local nursery. If you plant seeds in the ground in early-mid March, they will be perfectly fine and will cost you a fraction of what a start would in the nursery!

I also planted our salad garden.
Here is my experience for the salad garden. I planted spinach, arugula, and mixed greens from seed last year. They all sprouted fine and produced well into the heat of summer. (Lettuce plants are cool season plants and typically lose their luster once the heat of summer kicks in - that's why you plant them now in early spring). My neighbor bought lettuce starts from a nursery and they grew huge! So huge, in fact, that she had a very difficult time keeping up with the harvesting of the plants. I, on the other hand, did not have a difficult time since I would clip the lettuce leaves when they were still in the "baby greens" stage - about 2-3" long. Her lettuce matured way too fast. So the moral of that story is: if you want baby greens, plant your greens from seed in the ground. If you want large lettuce leaves in your salad, go ahead and buy the starts from the nursery.

I also planted some broccoli starts a few days ago. These I did purchase from the nursery because last year I tried to start broccoli from seed and they never ever took off. They were always flimsy seedlings. I planted ELEVEN broccoli plants (premium and packman variety) so I am here to tell you that come May/June we're going to have a lot of broccoli around here. I don't know about you, but organic broccoli actually tastes sweeter to me so I look forward to that day.

Okay, that's it from the Victory Garden of Salem, OR! Peace out~

Living content. Living for now.

For some odd reason, I feel compelled to write this, although I don't get too spiritual too often on this blog. But this I wanted to share.

What I want to say first is that Jer and I have been really diligent about paying our debts down and keeping to a budget and saying "no" to a whole lot of wants. We saved up an emergency fund for our hospital medical expenses and to be honest, I was feeling really secure and really proud of us. I wrote a few days back about how Mr. Murphy of the famous "Murphy's Law" has come knocking at my door. Seemingly overnight, we've had a bunch of things break down around the house: garbage disposal, microwaves, lawnmowers, kitchen fires that entail expensive deductibles and additional costs, etc. None of these things are essential to our survival (well, save the new floors in our house)- they are just nice things to have. And we're plain just out of extra cash after installing our floors a month ago. We're working on replenishing that cash, but as you can imagine, when you are a one income family with three growing and eating boys, extra cash is difficult to stash away. So I have to be patient.

But it worries me terribly. It worries me that I have to wait to replace some appliances. It makes me feel worried when I complain that we will have to wait another month to get another lawnmower and one of my neighbors says, "Weren't you going to buy one last fall?" It worries me that because things keep breaking down, even more things are going to break down. I've lost sleep over this.

Jackson took a ground ball to his nose a few nights ago at baseball practice and Jeremy called me from the car telling me he was taking him to the emergency room to get him checked out and X-rayed. "Don't take him there!!! It's too expensive. Take him to urgent care!!" I said. And then I worried that I'm being forced to be too cheap about my own child's health care because I'm worried about paying for yet another emergency and expensive X-rays.

I broke down in tears yesterday. Being worried is exhausting. Especially on an overly hormonal pregnancy woman. I went to my small group Bible Study last night and when we passed around prayer requests - all I could think of to say is - "Please pray that I can stop worrying. I need to stop thinking I can plan for all of these things. I need to live content in today and content for now."

And then, this morning, when I woke up, the peace of God came over me. I sit here today and I don't feel any worry, any anxiety. No, it's not because a check for $10,000 showed up in the mail. The bills are still there piled on my desk. The emergency bank account remains the same. The disposal and microwave are still broken. Our hospital fund is still dangerously low. Yet, I feel a sense of peace. I don't know how we're going to weather this storm, but I thank God that He has taken away my worry. There is still a roof over our heads. Jeremy still has a rockin' job. We have enough money to pay for all our needs and to continue to pay our debts. And for all those other things that consumed me with worry, I am at peace that somehow we will figure it out.

I just had to share because it is nice to feel this peace - even if it is for just this moment.

Mr. Murphy comes to town

(has nothing to do with post, but look - it bloomed!)

Murphy's Law - a pessimist's dream - has once again come knocking at my door.
We're on a restricted budget. We're trying our darnedest to eliminate all debts in our life. Five major appliances have broken down in our house over the last two months. Arghhh!!!!!! Latest straw on the camel's back - the microwave. Money from "emergency funds" have been cleaned out and we are currently replacing that fund. Looks like it's back to old fashioned heating and reheating until the cash is replenished in our fund.

Thank you Mr. Murphy for visiting our house.

Do this, do that. Do this, do that...

(a picture of the clematis vine in the backyard. Has nothing to do with my post, but it is ready to burst into bloom and I'm really excited about it)

So....I feel like a ping pong ball. I'm doing this project today and super focused for a few more days. Then I bounce to the next project with super focus for a few days. Then on to the next one....on and on and on and on. Whew. Need to catch my breath.

Highlights of ping-pong projects:

• loving my new craft of sewing. Have been sewing almost daily and making lots of blankets and burp cloths. come on, a girl has to start somewhere! On to tote bags, decor pillows, and roman shades next.
• trying to sand and paint our coffee table so it can get out of the garage and back into the family room where it is sorely missed as a parking spot for feet and cups.
• browsing every design blog in the universe. getting tons of inspiration and then falling into temporary depression as I realize I'm still on the debt snowball diet and can't afford to redecorate. Blah!
• traveling to Seattle to visit all our family and friends. I received seven bins of baby clothes from my brother and friend and I have seriously spent the last five days sorting, cataloging, and filing away all those beautiful clothes. I can't wait for a baby to wear them!!
• boys began their baseball season. Jackson tried out and made the majors team (he's in fourth grade playing with fifth and sixth grade boys) and Blake is playing on AA this year. Here's to me as I will be at the ball park five days a week!! (no lie)
• Which reminds me, I need to go this morning and buy Jackson a cup. Is there nothing more lame than a mother who has to buy her son his baseball cup? It's like a father buying his daughter's bras. I think I may just send Jeremy to Big 5 for this chore.

Add to the mix that I planted 15 shade plants to the backyard fence and Chase and I have a date with our planter boxes this morning to plant all of our late spring seeds: spinach, broccoli, salad mixes, and peas.

Oh, and add to the mix that I'm trying to get back into reading as a hobby instead of watching TV. (TV is just so much easier when you're preggers and you need to chill out on the couch). I eliminated Biggest Loser, Ellen, and Jay Leno from my daily DVR watching. Now if I could just X out a few more, I'll be on my way to TV free. (but I put my foot down at the Amazing Race and American Idol - those are my favorites!) (Oh and Project Runway - I can't give that up)

Paci's final moments and a eulogy for our loved friend

Here is Chase with his beloved Paci. This picture was taken just days before his 2nd birthday in which Chase's mother decided to....uh hum...."wean" him from his Paci. Paci has been a loved companion of Chase since his first day of birth (when his mother was chastised by the lactation consultant for bringing it to the hospital). Paci has been used to the greatest of his ability to bring love, comfort, and quiet to Chase. Paci has been used on all car rides, airplane rides, sick days, naptimes, trips to the grocery store, trips to anywhere when Chase acted up. Paci was used A LOT. So much, in fact, that Chase's mother knew that although she greatly relied on Paci to keep the peace, she needed to not only wean her 2 year old, but wean herself because if she didn't do it now, he would still have it in kindergarten.

This past week Chase faithfully had a final suck on Paci and then said farewell and put all his pacis in a plastic bag after which his mother mailed them to "the babies" (because babies need pacis, not big boys). Chase's mother regretted this decision for three days as he screamed and clawed his way through bedtimes and night times resulting in loss of sleep for not only child, but mother. Chase's mother felt punished big time.

Luckily Paci decided that his spirit was ready to move on to a better place because Chase finally slept the entire night through last night. But Chase's mother is still exhausted.

Paci was survived by Chase (although just barely) and all of his family. Chase's family hopes that although Chase loved his Paci so much, he will not regress in three months when his baby sister comes home from the hospital with a paci of her own (and mom will do a better job of hiding it from the lactation consultants).

Rest in Peace Paci. You were loved.

The Belly gets bigger

Almost 28 weeks along which means it is the 3rd trimester!

The nesting bug is hitting hard and I'm gathering, gathering, gathering materials for this baby girl. Want to know the most funny thing I've started to do with this nesting instinct? I learned how to sew on a sewing machine and I'm making lots of baby stuff. With really crooked lines, but lots of baby stuff. It's been fun.

I am dying over this propaganda campaign

I decided I would love some old propaganda ads to hang in my office and possibly kitchen. On a random google search this afternoon, I discovered this. A Portland-based artist is recreating the propaganda movement with new issues relative to what we deal with today. Living here just 40 minutes south of Portland, I can't tell you how connected I feel to this campaign.

.I had no idea how much I would fall in love with these posters. I simply love love adore them. I'm so out of funds for decorating at the moment, but I simply must find some sort of spare cash to purchase a few. If this seems at all intriguing to you, you must click on the above link and view his posters.

Couple could go to jail for removing lawn

I just read this story about a couple in Orange County, CA who professionally removed their lawn a few years back to be more environmentally conscious about their water and fertilizer usage.

I hope Salem, OR doesn't adopt the same philosophy because we are loving the no-lawn look in our backyard!

P.S. - to answer some of your questions about dog poopage - we reserved the side yard of our house for a patch of grass for the dogs to poop on. They totally boycotted it for the first few days, and would refuse to go (we had two poop accidents IN THE HOUSE!!) but I'm happy to report that yesterday they finally got the hint and started pooping and peeing on the side lawn patch.