Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
However, it all caught up with us and my two youngest are sicker than dogs, which if you've ever seen a 2 month old baby sick you know it is HEARTBREAKING! Therefore, we WON'T be getting on a plane today to come out for BP 2008.
I'm so bummed I won't be meeting all the people on my sidebar - bummed I won't be seeing Kara , a person I haven't seen since 1993 but have gotten to know over this blogging community.
Bummed I won't be seeing my blogging cousins Heidi and Rachel whom I have gotten to know better in the past year and haven't seen in person for ages.
Bummed I don't get to meet the Greenbaum sisters Celia and Paige.
And all the other people who I forgot to mention but am really excited to see in person - I will miss meeting you!
Promise we'll do this again next year - I hope to make it!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
And guess what? Chase slept from 8pm to 8am last night. I'm not kidding. Woke up just two times for a quick 10 minute bottle and nestled right back down again. I project that my clouds are going to start looking like this pretty soon.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
A: You get the DVD TV moved into your room (a truly special privilege) and you get to watch movies all day in your room.
B: You get to eat all of your meals in bed that day (another truly special privilege)
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Even though I've been b/f'ing Chase since birth, I've also supplemented daily with a milk-based formula. A few days ago, I substituted this
and not only does he now do this
Monday, April 21, 2008
Why would I be so angry? I feel guilty I'm so angry that Chase isn't sleeping. Remember how I asked for advice a few weeks back to get him to nap? Well over the past two weeks, I've been trying all the techniques and he STILL isn't napping well. He wakes after every sleep cycle - he only will nap for 30 minutes at a time. If he is in the bijorn - he'll sleep the whole time. Whenever we are out and he is in car carrier, he will sleep the whole time. But never at home and never at night will he go super long. He is about 11 lbs now and 7 weeks old. I feel like I"m going crazy. Or rather, depressed.
So yesterday afternoon I had Chase in his bassinet - crying it out - and I remembered some comments from some of my blog friends. So I crept into the room and turned Chase over to his stomach, patted his back, put his paci in his mouth and you know what? -he fell fast asleep! And he proceeded to sleep a few more naps on his tummy for the rest of the day. Jeremy got home from work and I showed him Chase sleeping on his tummy and Jeremy did not like it at all. So today I'm going out and buying this so that way we can all get some sleep.
But this leads me to my thoughts on PPD. I don't remember feeling like I do now when I had Jackson and Blake. Jeremy told me last night that I acted the exact same way before and that I had the same misgivings that I do now. For me, PPD manifests in the lack of continuous sleep. I get anywhere from 5-7 hours at night, but only in 2 hour blocks. And because Chase isn't napping, I'm not getting a long nap at home as well.
I also think that PPD manifests as failed expectations. I feel like I'm failing as a mother. I've had two other babies before Chase, why should I feel inadequate? What's my problem? I feel guilty that I'm not spending time with the older boys like I used to. I feel guilty that I wanted this third baby so much and now that I have him and he is healthy and perfect, I spend some of my time angry and resentful. I expect some high things of myself and when I don't accomplish them, I feel deflated - thus why I think I'm failing.
But this is what I did. My one good best friend here in Salem offered yesterday to take Chase for me. I accepted her offer today. She has him for 2 hours so I can go work out and not be on baby duty this morning. I also called my babysitter and I'm going to have her come 3 times a week in the afternoons - right when I'm falling apart - and have her care for Chase for 1-2 hours so I can rest my mind. Also I'm buying that Angelcare monitor so Chase can sleep on his tummy and I don't have to worry about him. These are all things I need to do so I won't keep venturing down the path to PPD because I've had a taste of it and it is lonely and sad.
Boy, do I feel like Brooke Shields or what?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Then Chase came along and I am frayed along the edges. By the time I had fed Chase at 5:30am and had him quiet, along Blake would come in my room demanding his TV show and his hot chocolate. I lost it.
So I developed the revised morning routine. Every evening after I put Chase and the boys to bed, I get things ready for the next day. This is the benefits to having older children.
And I gave them explicit instructions to NOT, I REPEAT, NOT come into my room in the morning. I will be up before you have to go to school.
And here is my morning steel cut oatmeal with water premeasured. I just have to turn on the power. And add the oats when the water boils.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I'm sick of the DDD's, upper back pain, breast infections, being tied to an infant every 2 to 3 hours, the extra 10 lbs my body retains for lactation, soreness, having to wear a bra 24-7, having to wear THREE bras just to jog, etc.
As guilty as I feel about this (because I do), all of my support system has commented that I seem happier when I'm giving a bottle and that I will be a better mom because I am more satisfied.
PS - Thank you so much Alison for your talk today; it really really helped!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
"Mom, you've had a hard day. Let me take Chase for you."
And he did.
And frankly, that is perfectly what I needed - just for someone else to hold him for thirty minutes.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
The secret is you just have to get through it. All the books I read, all the people I talk to, and all the memories I can scrape from my own brain tell me that this part is tough. You're in the middle of forest. Deal with it. Get over it. Brew a pot of coffee and call your mom to vent. That is how you solve it.
Six weeks old today and guess what? This is the most gassy time (for the baby and even for perhaps the mommy), it's the peak of the fussy period, growth spurt (which means he won't sleep and will want to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours) and oh yeah, your sleep depreviation has REALLY SUNK IN NOW. Add a breast infection to the mix and you get posts like my whole week last week. Sigh.So now, I have slid back my expectations and I take it day by day - even 3 hours cycles are the max I can handle now. But then I look at this face
And I feel it is all worth it.
Here are some quick tips I picked up this past week. This book offers great advice. I have reinstated swaddling and using a sound machine for sleep.
Also, I have been using gas drops after every feeding, seems to help.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
On a side note, it looks like I win the 'Bad Mother" award for letting Chase cry because that is exactly what Jackson told me I was the other night. I believe his exact words were "Stop letting Chase cry - it means you are a bad mother."
Did that just come out of his mouth?
I guess bad mothers also clean up your vomit because that is exactly what I did 8 times this morning for the name caller himself. Karma, Jackson, Karma.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Here's the thing. I totally agree with this story. Instead of buying a purebread puppy - go to the human society or any adoption/rescue foundation to get your next pet. Jeremy and I have had 3 dogs. The first two dogs were from purebreed breeders and both of those dogs did not last long in our house. When we decided to give our boys a dog to grow up with, we first went on petfinder.com. We probably visited 5 shelters, including the Seattle area Humane Soceity. We knew we had to find the right fit for our family. So we turned down a lot of dogs and our children left a handful of times with no dogs in their laps. One day, Jeremy went to the HS before work and they had just received a pair of puppies that were found walking on the side of the road in North Bend, WA. They had fleas, were dirty and very emanciated, but extremely fluffy and ready to be loved. We took Jackson out of school and Jer called in late to work. We visited with both of the puppies and we found the girl puppy to be a lot more mellow, didn't jump on the kids and didn't nip at them. We decided to take her home that day. That was how Chilidog came into our family. She is a flat coat retriever and she has turned out to be the best dog in the whole world. In the future, our family will always adopt our pets.
Chili never barks (except when playing with other dogs), never licks, is very submissive to her pack leaders, and is the most sweet and lovable dog you could ever find. Flat coats are known for this temperament and they make the BEST pets for little kids. We joke that she is our real 3rd child because she thinks she is human and one of the children. When I am lecturing the boys on misbehavior, Chili will sit next to them with her ears back and act like she is being lectured as well.
So in this case, listen to Oprah and adopt your next pet. Now off I go to my garage gym for my workout. This last post was my last attempt to avoid the gym. But I still have one hour left until I am needed by Chase and I'm bored, so I can either hit the pantry or hit the gym. I'll pick the latter.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I post these things not to wah-wah-whine about my life, but really, to document what I was going through, because years from now when I'm craving another baby, I'll need this blog (in book form) to look at and to remember what it was really like. Like my cousin said, it really is brutal. But the thing is, you survive. I know I did because I have two healthy, active and completely normal older boys. And Jeremy had worse work schedules with the older boys than he does now. But that doesn't change that I'm trying to be super mom. I'm trying to get a homemade dinner on the table every night. I'm trying to lose the baby weight. I'm trying to be a good mom to the older boys while I have to pay so much attention to the baby. I'm trying to get everyone to baseball practice and piano practice and have friends over. And I'm trying to be a good wife to my husband who works hard for our family.
Every day I have a block of time that is really really bad. And I question all the decisions I've made. Like today, I should have applied to SuperNanny with the way Blake was behaving around dinnertime and right after dinner.
Then, every day I will have a series of events go the way I planned and I'll think, hey, it isn't so bad. Like today when it was 65 degrees and I met a friend at the park and I saw the Delta flight take off from the airport. And that this morning because of scheduling tweaks I made yesterday, Chase woke up at 7am today.
But mostly, I just try to be honest with myself and that is when you get blog entries like today's and some of the ones from the recent past. I guess the best piece of advice I could give myself is to take it one day at a time, one child at a time. If I feel overwhelmed, then push back to attacking the day 3 hours at a time and then evaluate. And if it is too much, take it one hour at a time. And remember, you always move forward.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
That would be a CLEAN pillowcase that I put on top of his pillow as a subtle hint to put it on pillow before he went to bed. Uh, he just decided to sleep on the folded case on top of the pillow. Boys, boys, boys.