Why I hate my Bath....by Chase Deshazer

People....I am only one week old. Why must you always undress me, wipe me with cold coldy wipes, and then redress me again? Can you not tell from my screams, no my high pitched shrieks, that I HATE it??? Now, I know I poop a lot and I sort of intellectually understand that it is wise to clean me up, but is there any other way?

And now, Mother, you have introduced me to the newborn baby torture chamber of hell...the bath. I asked my brother and my Nana to document my ordeal for future guilt trips I may play on you.

First, you take off my clothes. I hate this. I try to warn you with my crying. You seem to not get the clue.

Then you dunk me in the bath. I know that you tried to get the right warm temparture to keep me happy, but it does not keep me happy. I do not understand why you do this to me.

Mom, I really hate this. I am turning into a lobster. Not from hot water, but because I have sufficiently whipped myself into a frenzy. At this point, I am considering calling CPS on you.

Okay, flip me over. I feel a little better. Maybe it isn't so bad.

Still not too sure about this, it seems better, though.

Ya right, try to distract me. It will work only for a second.

Now here I am all bundled up in my towel. Much better. See, this is what I like.

Not this. Avoid doing this.


I will be a much sweeter baby to you if you do not give me a bath. And my brothers tell me they will like me more too.

Love, your third born child,

Chase Deshazer